Saturday, December 20, 2014

It's Been a Rough Month

When last I left, I was facing the possibility of having cancer. I found out that while I do have SOMETHING that looks cyst-like, it is not a tumor or cancer, probably just a fibrous lump. I was going to post that, but then the Universe took over and turned me into Job.

Something happened at my work. I can't talk about it online, but please understand, it shook my foundation. Then something devastating happened in our community and my Hubby was on call for almost 48 hours straight, putting me on call as well.

We have also had a peeping Tom whom we have called the police on 5 times because he is inside our fenced yard late at night 5 feet from E's window. The previous 4 times the man had been so close he heard us on the phone and ran away. The fifth time they caught him right outside E's window. They couldn't arrest him because they had to officially give him a warning for trespassing first, but he has angered me so much that I am prepared to take out his knees if he comes into our yard again.

I had finally started to recover from that when I got a call that my father was in the hospital and was having a stroke. My father had been exhibiting stroke like symptoms for 2 days and my mother never bothered to take him to the hospital until he asked her to. He was not mentally able to realize how bad he was but when he finally asked her, she waited another hour because she wanted to try to get him to fill out a power of attorney. His eyes were working independently of each other by this time and he could neither read nor write, but God love her, she made him wait for help because she wanted that done.

When I arrived at the hospital about 4 hours after he did, the man before me was not my dad. He could talk and walk, but he was another person who very much needed protection. The hospital was waiting to truly treat him because he arrived at the ER stoned. He is a pot-head. When I told my mom I thought I should stay with him that night (there was no room in the hospital so he would be staying 36 hours in the ER), she got upset with me and told me that I never stayed with her when she spent the night in the hospital and I could do whatever I wanted to do but she was going home. My dad didn't even know where he was and she was going to leave.

So I stayed and in the middle of the night I was talking to the nurse who told me he would be getting his first test around 7AM. I asked her if that would give him time to eat breakfast since he was diabetic. She immediately became agitated and said, "He's diabetic?" My mom never told them. MY MOM NEVER TOLD THEM.

It's been several days and he is home. I was exposed to the flu in the hospital and am currently dealing with a pretty bad fever, but I have taken over the responsibility of talking to my dad's health professionals.

As if that were not enough, Hubby and I have this lesbian couple that we are friends with. Woman 1 is a lot like me. We both enjoy cooking, wine and are the nurturers. Woman 2 is a beer drinking, sports loving, more masculine woman. Every time I see them, they talk to me about how they work together, live together and do everything together and needed to get away from each other once in a while.

1 and I have a mutual friend who is suffering from depression and asked to have a whine and wine night. I said sure and invited 1. I didn't invite 2 because of their desire to develop separate interests and because she is a beer drinker not a girly girl wine drinker.

2 blew up at 1, unfriended me on FB and while I was at the hospital WITH MY DAD, this is what I received, FORWARDED through my husband.

From 1:

I know this is a tough time for you all, and know that I am praying for you, your dad and all your family. I also know that this is low on your list of priorities for a while, but I had to get it said. Just put it aside until you are more able to deal with it. There is no excuse for 2's behavior yesterday, but I'd like to explain it to you. The message she heard growing up, literally. ... these words "No one will ever like you" And she believed it. It is the filter through which she sees everything.

She took your message to me as "I hate 2 and don't want to be her friend, so let's get together without her and talk bad about her. " Me saying yes, in her eyes, meant that I chose you over her. I, like you, thought she would be happy that we were developing friendships and activities away from each other. We were wrong. Add to that the fact that she has never felt like she fit in with women or men and it's a recipe for hurt feelings.

If you wanted to, I think you could talk to her and ask if you two could talk it out. I did really want to spend time with you. I think we could probably be friends, but I hope you understand that I have to pick her. She has her issues ( don't we all) but I love her. And I can't let that voice in her head win.

Again, I'm sorry. There are so many things I've done wrong, but please don't ever think that this is your fault.
I will continue to pray for healing for your father.
PS-It probably doesn't need to be said, but please don't let 2 know I told you all of this. I just want relationships to be repaired.

Hubby was a little pissed and responded for me:


I forwarded the message, so Muddy can read it. However, I would not hold out for her to approach 2. I believe it is Muddy who deserves the apology here. Both you and 2 have said several times in our presence that you need to find things to do separately. She thought she was doing a nice thing for both of you, so to be accused of being deliberately mean was very hurtful to her. She does not make friends very easily, and this hurt her deeply. 2 is the one who needs to take steps to rectify it.



This couple does a lot in our church and this has created an awkward situation, but I am so pissed at them I wash my hands of them. This happens to me all the time. I must be a pretty scary person for people to think they can't talk to me when they are upset with me. The sad thing is, if 2 had called me and yelled at me, I would have apologized for hurting her and tried to smooth things over. I can handle being yelled at. But for people to just crap all over me and never let me defend myself? That is shitty.

So anywho, that is why I haven't been blogging. I am really disassociated right now and barely functioning. It's hard to believe so much has happened in such a small space of time. I am really trying hard to work through my feelings about what my mom did and how I feel about being essentially my dad's guardian.

Please send good thoughts my way. I need anything I canget.