Wednesday, September 29, 2010

FINALLY!!!

Someone called me a name I can claim!

Hubby preached a very unpopular sermon this weekend.  It was about voting and how Christians should cast their vote for the greater good of other citizens, not just for the greater good of ourselves.  Sometime during the sermon, he perchance had the occasion to mention Obama.  He was stating that we needed to pray for our leaders, whomever they are, and not spread malicious, non-factual gossip about them.  What he actually said was, "Obama is NOT a muslim." But that's not what people heard, or cared to hear.   Holy hellfire and damnation, strike up them Templar Knights and get that pastor the hell out of the pulpit!  (I don't actually know what a Templar Knight is, but it has come up in the conversation recently and I really wanted to use it.)

Today Hubby awoke to get an email from a church member who wanted to give him a head's up about another email that was being circulated by an "anonymous" former member.  The former member has left our church because ever since Hubby came the church has become all about "radical politics."  I kid you not, they said that.  Apparently some miscommunication occured and a big newspaper stated that our denomination is a sponsor (which it is not) of the upcoming leftist rally, which is also apparently being sponsored by a communist party.  So, of course, since he is a leader of a church of this denomination, not only are we "liberal radicals"  but we're no-good leftist COMMUNISTS!

HELL YA I AM A RADICAL LIBERAL!  Okay, maybe I am not radical, but I am liberal and if Anonymous thinks they insulted us by calling us that, then they are sorely mistaken.  First, the person should have had the guts to consult Hubby himself and not just lob insults at him from behind the keyboard.  But secondly, Hubby's beliefs towards government and any "ist" society comes straight from the Bible.  My beliefs come straight from the fact that I try to be a caring person.

So Anonymous Church Member, if believing gay people need equal rights not because they are gay, but because they are people makes me a radical...AMEN!

And if believing that abortion is a necessary evil because not everyone is equipped to be a parent and I am not willing to take in every unwanted child makes me a radical.... AMEN!

And if believing that there should be some gateway medical care for every single American at low or no-cost makes me a radical....AMEN!

And if not caring if Obama is a Christian or a Muslim because this country is supposedly about religious freedom makes me a radical...AMEN!

And if supporting public schools and teachers even when I know they are flawed and don't allow God in school makes me a radical...AMEN!

And if being willing to pay more taxes so rural communities have access to paid firefighters and adequate sheriffs makes me a radical...AMEN!

And if thinking God Bless America is the most conceited, self-centered and insulting song of all time makes me a radical...AMEN!

But lastly, if my belief that those who disagree with me and hold "right-wing" views can still be good people, and yes, even friends (Assassin) makes me a radical...then I will proudly carry that flag and hold it high.  Because I am not ashamed of who I am or what I believe and if you ever came out from behind the Anonymous shield,  I would tell you so...to your face....with dignity.  Because I believe in liberty and justice for all, damnit!

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Post Just for Jenn

Jenn is my best friend from way back in 6th grade.  We have a lot of history between us, so I hope you will excuse me if I write just a brief snippet of a post for her today.  I doubt anyone else will get it but it will make me happy and I need some "me happy" right now.

Okay, so Jenn, I have some Paul Young songs loaded on my MP3 player for working out.  Tear Your Playhouse Down came on.  It has that part, you remember, don't you?  If you don't, you need to listen to it.  Turned me back into a 14 year old for just a short moment.

Paul Young sweated on us...he really did!  OMG!!

Okay, that is all from Angsty Teenage Muddy .  Tomorrow I will return to bitter, acerbic and old Muddy.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Dear Internet Friends

I need your help.

I have been working out like a fiend for the past three months.  I do a full weight circuit 3 times a week and 30 minutes of cardio 5 times a week.  I have been eating between 1600-1800 calories a day.  A while back I lost 7 pounds, but my inurance started to refuse to pay for my blood pressure meds.  The meds I switched to not only don't work, they caused me to gain the 7 pounds back in water weight.  Essentially I have been doing everything right and nothing has happened. (I am changing back to my old meds but I have to wait for the mail order system.)

I went to my doctor for my physical on Thursday and she told me she could tell I am taking care of myself by my blood test results.  In the past everything had been in the normal range, but just barely.  Now I am in the really good normal range.  My thyroid is fine so that is not the reason I am not losing weight.  My doctor told me that this is why people with PCOS stay overweight.  They do everything right and nothing happens for the first three months and they give up.  She told me to wait 6 months and I would see results.  She also told me to look for the muscle gain.  Even if the fat is going nowhere, if I feel the muscles it is working.  And I do feel the muscles, but I don't look different.

Lastly she told me to cut back to 1500 calories a day.  I know that is only 200-300 calories but it feels insurmountable right now.  With all the stress in my life and my lack of time (partially brought on by all the working out I am doing) I want to cry everytime I think about it.  Plus, Hubby hasn't been home at all the past 2 weeks due to church reponsibilities and I am really lonely here in CountryTime.  It's hard to make good choices right now, especially because stress triggers my need to eat.

So here is my request:  send me your favorite low-cal snack ideas (something more than cottage cheese with fruit), send me your favorite 3-400 calorie meal ideas, send me your favorite healthy frozen meal suggestion.  Please just give me some options because I am really tired of eating and dieting and working out and I need some help staying on track.

Thanks.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

We'll Return to CountryTime Tales Briefly

My husband met with his boss yesterday to discuss moving.  His boss' response:  buy a foreclosed house and flip it (In this market, in this small town) or find another way to support yourself and don't rely on the church to provide for you.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?  He works 50 hours a week.  I work two jobs.  We both volunteer.  GET ANOTHER JOB?  RENOVATE A HOUSE?


AARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Bombs, Planes and Licensed to Kill

I should have known something was up around here when I was still living in our old house and looking for jobs.  Remember this post?  About two months after we moved I started to hear what sounded like bombs and mortar attacks.  I know it sounds weird but I really didn't think anything about it because the area where we used to live had a geographic phenomenon that occured when two tectonic plates rubbed together in the ocean.  It sounds like a battle.  But one day when I mentioned it to a church member, she said, "Oh, that's just CIA Point."  When I asked her about it she told me that about 10 miles away there was a topsecret CIA training ground.  Everyone around here knows its there, but nobody talks about it.

This started to make some things very clear.  We have several church members who work for this location.   They never tell anyone exactly what they do, but every person thinks they do something else.  For example, one day I asked Matt what he did.  He told me that he works in sales.  He told Hubby that he trains people in Afghanistan and he told yet another person that he was an EMT.  Which is it?

The people who took us out Saturday night are friends with several people who work there.  Apparently all of the employees have to take lie detector tests once a month.  I even had a three-year old student whose dad works there.  The student started telling me things about his dad and I insisted he stop.  They were things I didn't want to know!  Not only that, I was afraid what would happen to me if the guy thought his son talked to me about anything important.  HE DIDN'T I SWEAR!  But this place is that scary.

We have weird planes fly overhead.  They are always solid black.  I am no stranger to military aircraft because of my dad, but some of these things look like UFO's.  And sometimes, late at night, something flies over that shakes the house and sounds as if it is just 10 feet above us.  There are no airports within 90 minutes of me.  We shouldn't have anything flying that close to us.

But the weirdest (and possibly scariest) thing of all is the dead birds.  Several times a year for a few days at a time, you will suddenly encounter dead birds everywhere.  It's as if a poison has been released or some sort of ultra-sonic wave is being tested.  When I asked other people if they had noticed how many dead birds we have around they all kind of shushed me and denied it.  I can't help but think it is related to the base.

Where else but CountryTime could you have a supersecret CIA base?  I even looked it up online and there's no mention of it.  You can see it on Google Earth, but other than that, it doesn't exist.  Just another strange secret kept by this odd town.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Where to Start....

Okay, there is so much to tell about Country Time that I think I will start with some geography.  Country Time is in a little, isolated pocket of the US.  The nearest interstate is about an hour away and the state highway that runs through here is nothing but farms, swampland and canals for the 30 minutes or so it takes to get to the nearest town.  It was settled prior to the Revolutionary War and I would say about 45% of the families here trace their routes back that far.  We are the last "big" city (I'm using that word sarcastically) before you hit the barrier islands.

There is a dialect here that is found nowhere else in the US.  The closer to the barrier islands you go, the stronger it gets.  I have lived in many southern cities and encountered many different accents, but this one is by far the hardest to understand. 

For the first several months I noticed a strange phenomenon here that I thought I was just imagining.  The locals' body shape was different from any I have ever encountered.  The people here are shorter than I am use to and have long, bulky thighs and legs, but very short torsoes.  I discovered two reasons for that this week.  Before I type them, you have to know I am not making a judgment about them, I am just stating the facts.  One, dwarfism is common here due to inherited family bloodlines.  Two, marriage to your first cousin is not only legal here, but accepted and normal.  I am sure the marriage issue is due to the fact that we are so isolated that the chances of finding a non-related spouse were slim even as little as 20 years ago.  So while this explains the dwarfism, I also wonder if it is the reason so much weirdness prevails here.

I live two blocks away from the river.  Just around the corner from me is the old hospital building, now turned into apartments.  It sits on possibly the most beautiful piece of land around.  It is incredibly peaceful to just go and sit on its old lawn and watch the water.  But the hospital holds some dark secrets.  A while back I told you about the old house that had been turned into a typhoid hospital.  I found out last night why typhoid was so rampant.  Apparently the hospital had nothing to do with its medical waste.  It would routinely dump the waste into the river.  I'm not talking bedpans and pee cups, I'm talking sawed off arms and legs, bloody bandages, needles, EVERYTHING.  One day when the lunar tide and a tropical storm had lineup just right to pull all the water from the harbor I walked over to the hospital to see 40-50 feet of shore where there was normally water.  All I can think now is how many body parts lay just beneath the silt and sand?  The dumping of the hospital waste was the secret everyone knew, but no one talked about.  There's a lot of secrets like that here.

Tomorrow:  the supersecret CIA base and the people who could tell you but then have to kill you...seriously!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

You're Never Going to Believe Me

When I mentioned the chewing sound that accompanied the spirit in my room, I purposely left out one fact because, well, because it made me worry about my mental stability.  That's the thing about being empathetic...how do I know what's real and what's just maybe the bi-polar illness that runs in my family?

Anywho, the part I left out was that I always felt like there were hooves involved with the spirit.  It scared me because why would I be sensing hooves?  I don't believe in demons.  I don't even believe in hell, but the fact that I sensed an animal really scared me.

Tonight some church people took Hubby and I out for dinner and they were telling us the history of CountryTime.  Boy, do I have a lot to share with you, but since it is late, let me just share one of the things they told me.  A long time ago, maybe 80-100 years ago, a man took a boat full of children from the mainland to a small place called Goat Island.  I asked E's babysitter if she had ever heard of Goat Island and she confirmed its existence (she's been there on her boat.)  It is so-called that because at that time the only inhabitants of the island were goats.  He took the children over there and murdered them.  As the words were coming out of the woman's mouth my mind was screaming "GOATS!!!! OF COURSE!!!!"  It was a goat with the girl.  Now I can see her so clearly in mind and it all makes so much sense.  It wasn't the child chewing...it was the goat!

Some time in the next couple of days I have got to tell you the secrets of CountryTime.  Dwarves, body parts, a top-secret CIA base and a fruit stand massacre.  Oh, it is all making so much sense now.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Hard Lessons Learned

1.  If you don't like what is going on in your life, it is up to you to change it.  Not a parent, not a friend, not a deity, you.

2.  People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you.  If you constantly allow people to crap on you, it will become your status quo and what you expect.

3.  Change is necessary and important.  Change is scary, but if you don't change you become like the prisoner chained in a cave.  The light source distorts the images and becomes your reality.  Rats become 10 foot tall demons and the dimness overwhelms you.

4. It is time to cut our losses and leave this place.  We are asking for a move.  CountryTime is slowly sucking our souls dry and we have made the decision to make the change.  Now let's just hope the powers that be say yes.  If they do, we'll move in June again.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Be Careful What you Teach

Hubby and I have been crazy busy for several weeks now and poor E has been passed back and forth between us a like a tetherball.  She has had to go to meetings and only gets brief snippets of time when we are all together.  Hubby was out of town today and I had finally finished all of my commitments for a while so we decided to have a mommy-daughter date.  I wanted to be "fun" mommy so I tried to be upbeat and silly.

As we were walking the raptor before our "date", E got a little slap happy and started to playfully smack me.  I started to smack her back and then taught her about "two for flinching."  She had never heard of that expression but it intrigued her because she felt like it meant she got "extra" hits.

I had forgotten about it by the time we went swimming at the Y until she was standing face to face with me and all of a sudden her fist lashed out and she punched me between the eyes.  She hit me so hard by teeth clanked together.  Her eyes became round and she started to shake, so upset that she had actually hit me.  I grabbed my nose and started laughing so hard that I actually had tears running down my cheeks (maybe it was the pain, too).  She just kept repeating, "I only wanted to make you flinch."

Serves me right, I guess.

Phonics at Work

I have a budding star in my theater.  No, seriously.  He's been shortlisted for Disney (and one reader goes AHA...I found you).  But he's very limited in his actual knowledge of theater.  So I assigned all of the kids in his class individual songs from Broadway shows to learn.  I want them to become familiar with more than just "Wicked." 

Since this particular kid has a 4 octave range, I wanted to challenge him so I gave him a really hard and emotional song.  As my kids were sitting in a circle, going around and telling everyone what song they were learning, we came to Budding Star.

Me:  Okay, tell everyone the name of your song.

BS: Get the smane.

Me:  What is the name of your song?  (Totally confused)

BS:  Get thes mane?

Intelligent girl:  GETHSEMANE!!!  Your song is called "Gethsemane!" as in "the garden of..."

His lack of knowledge was worse than I thought!

For non-theater people, it's from Jesus Christ Superstar.

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Dumbing Down of America

Yesterday in the locker room at the Y there was a young girl talking to her grandma.  The little girl had to do a history project of some sort.  The grandma was telling her about all the historical documents she had in her attic.  She had newspapers and wills and slave documents from the 1700's.  The girl interupted her grandma to let her know that she had to do something on the pilgrims.  To which the grandma replied, "When did the pilgrims land?  I know, 1776.  Well I have a slave bill from 1735.  That would work."

Let's count the ways in which that is wrong, shall we?

Leave no grandma behind.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Whoops

Our church, like many churches in America, has an announcement sign on the front lawn.  The message changes every week.  Sometimes it tells about an upcoming event, sometimes it holds a bible verse.  Occasionally it has a funny quip like "Get your faith lifted here."

On Thursday one of our long-time members passed away and her funeral is being held tomorrow.  Hubby received a call today from another member who felt the current message on the sign was completely inappropriate in lieu of the upcoming event.  Hubby thought for a moment and totally agreed with her and immediately called the man in charge of the sign.

What did the sign say?  "Don't let grass grow under your feet, it will grow over you soon enough!"

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Can I Just Say?

I met the coolest lesbian couple today (except Charlitan of course.)  One woman was a light-skinned African American and the other was a blonde soccer mom.  Together they had 5 children of all colors from ages 12 to 3.  ALL of the children were well-mannered, polite and obviously happy. I don't know if these children were adopted or biological, but all I could think was...if this couple could manage 5 children and still be good parents, they need to be the poster family for gay adoption.  Because you know what?  If I had 5 children I would be bald and in a fetal position in the corner.  I'm just meant to be a parent of 1.  Those of you with multiples, you're a better parent than I could ever be.  Seriously.

Another lesson learned today- a woman that I am friendly with who is from one of the founding families of CountryTime but not a member of our church approached me today to invite me out to lunch.  She wants to talk to me about some of the discussions she has been hearing from our church members about me.  I almost took the bait but now that I have had time to think, I am not going to have that chat.  I know what most of the church members think about me, why should I invite someone to heap more of the negative crap on me?  I'm sure she meant well and she knows how hard things have been here for me, but there are some things I just don't need to know.  Not feeding that wolf.

Lastly, I walked out of the Y today to see a thin scruffy white man with a long scraggly ponytail and a red baseball cap and glasses lurking among the cars in the parking lot.  When he saw me he hightailed it to his WHITE truck.  I know Elise lived 5 hours away from where I currently live, but my heart stopped at the sight of this.  I swear he looks just like the guy I kept seeing.  And he was driving a cherry-picker truck that said "Electricity" on it.  Now I have to go back and see if the dead women died after a hurricane or ice storm just to ease my mind.  It can't be him, can it?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Oh Wide Lawns

I have been reading how WL feels so worried since she is essentially homeless and her baby is due in 7 weeks.  Being born into a house filled with grandparents doesn't even scratch the surface of the damage that parents will do to their children in their later years.  I'm not proud of my bad parenting moments, but I thought I would share them because you need to know...KIDS SURVIVE AND THRIVE even when their parents make mistakes.

So, mistake number one occured when E was a young toddler just barely sitting in a forward-facing car seat.  Hubby had asked me to stop by a church member's house to pick up a paper.  I didn't want to disturb the sleeping E and knew I wasn't going into the house, so I left the car running and went to knock on the door.  The church member wasn't home, but her legally-recognized psychopathic son was.  He didn't have the paper so I slowly backed away to get into my car.  Funny thing though, the car was locked.  I had left it running and LOCKED the car door.  My purse and my cell phone were both in the car, so I was left to face the psychopathic man.  He wouldn't let me in the house to use his phone and he wouldn't bring a phone out to me, so I had to walk backwards down a hill and through a treeline (to keep my daughter in sight at all times) to the house next door and ask complete strangers to use their phone.  Luckily Hubby was 5 minutes away and brought my spare key, but all I could think was that E was going to miraculously unstrap herself from her car seat, crawl into the front seat and attempt to drive herself away while I tried to hold off a mentally unstable man.

Then there was the time that I was in the kitchen cooking and E was playing in the laundry basket.  Yes, we were the kind of parents that didn't believe in buying a house full of toys and she had to entertain herself with tupperware, boxes and laundry baskets.  I had turned away for just a minute, just turned away, not even left the room, and when I looked back, she was gone.  I peeked into the living room, no E. I ran down the hallway, no E.  I tore open all of the closed doors and still could not find her.  Then I heard a giggle.  I ran back into the kitchen to find E sitting ON TOP of the refrigerator.  She had used the little space between our washer and fridge to shimmy up the wall and landed 6 feet off the ground.  Did I mention my child was climbing ladders at 10 months?

But the most horrifying moment of my parenting experience came when E was just 2 days old.  I had done tons of prenatal yoga and walked every day of my pregnancy, so after E was born I didn't suffer from soreness or pain as much as most women do.  I didn't want to just sit around the house but it was too cold to walk outside with her that day, so Hubby and I grabbed E, grabbed the brand-new sling someone had given us out of the box (without reading the directions, because slings have been used for as long as there are babies, right?) and headed of to Walmart.  We got there and I put the sling over my shoulder, grabbed E out of the car seat and placed her into the sling.  Simple, eh?  Yup, until she rolled right out of it and I caught her just before she hit the pavement.  Yes, I almost killed my 2 day old baby because I thought I knew everything to know about babies.  I didn't use the sling again for a month.  In fact I returned it because I felt like such an idiot.  But a friend lent me hers and showed me how to use it (always have someone show you) and E lived in it for the next 5 months.

But the woman who loaned me her sling gave me some great advice. She said, "1. Every mom is terrified of droppping her child, and almost everyone does at least once.  If it happens, don't panic, usually they're fine. 2.  You will cry out of frustration more than she will cry during her first year. Don't be a hero, lean on your Hubby.  He helped get you into this, you need to trust that he will be as good a parent as you want to be.  3. Take a shower, even if your child is crying for attention.  A 10 minute shower can save your sanity and won't traumatize your child even if you feel like it does."   I took that advice to heart and we all survived.

A child needs warmth and love and to be held.  I kept E in a Rolls-Royce pram for her first 5 months.  That's all she needed.  So WL, you're doing great.  You have a whole internet world giving you support and (unwanted) advice.  Mistakes are made but kids don't know that if you love them enough.  And you will love this girl more than you have ever loved anything before.  It's amazing how it works.  Just keep her off the fridge!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Found on a Friend's Facebook Page

Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about the meaning of life. He said to them, "There is a fight going on inside of me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil, he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority and ego. The other wolf is good, he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. This same fight is going on inside all of you, in fact it is going on inside everyone on earth." The children thought about this for a very long time and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I need to learn whom to feed.

Friday, September 3, 2010

If Wishes Were Horses

I am feeling spiritually and creatively drained right now.  I told Hubby I just wanted to take off and go apple picking in the mountains this weekend, but alas, our money tree is in bad shape right now.  But  as we were talking I realized I haven't been anywhere to replenish my soul in at least 6 years.  I have been places:  to visit family, weddings, touring with my theater.  But I haven't taken a retreat in 6 years.  So I thought I would take a few minutes to share some of my favorite places with you, kind of a mini-mental retreat.

The first and foremost place I want to be right now is the Grand Canyon.  I love the Grand Canyon.  I have been there twice and as soon as I pass through Williams and into the wild unencumbered desert something in me changes and my soul just settles.  Everytime PBS runs their Grand Canyon special I am sucked in like a child to those giant lollipops.  And yes, that's me on the mule when I was MUCH younger.



My second favorite place is in the mountains of North Carolina.  There is a place called Springmaid Mountain.  I have been there a few times and every time I'm there, I never want to leave.  There's nothing spectacular about the lodging.  It's pretty generic cabin type stuff, but the mountain itself is beautiful.  There's a spring and horses and it sits right on the Toe River.  I swear if you go there you can not hold on to tension of any sort.


Another place I love is not nature-oriented, but I have such fond memories of spending days here that I had to add it.  It is the Serpentine Wall in Cinncinnati.  I'm not sure why, but there is something there that  really appeals to the creative side of me.  You can sit in one state and look across the river at the other state.  Plus, when I was there, there was an old paddleboat that sat on the side and I always imagined what Cincy  was like "back in the day."


Another non-nature oriented place was the Ca'd zan Mansion in Florida.  Actually, not the mansion.  I could give two flips for wealth and opulence.  But when you walk around the house you are left on a patio over looking the bay (at least I think it is a bay).  When you stand there, smelling the sea air, entrenched by tile and stone, you can't help but be touched by the artisans who created the mansion.  The spot is magical.
 

Last is a place I only spent one day in.  A long time ago I volunteered with the Nature Conservancy and I was sent to the Green Swamp in South Carolina.  I was one of only 3 people out of a promised 10 who showed up.  We spent a long hot August day cleaning up roofing shingles and tires and other garbage that idiots had illegally dumped.  As my reward for working so hard I was taken into the very heart of the swamp where anyone not associated with the Nature Conservancy was not allowed to go.  And I found out why.  There is the middle of the swamp was an actual savannah.  It was amazing, untouched and so unexpected in the coastal swamp area that I just sat there and soaked it all in, knowing it was a rare gift.  Bet you didn't know there was a savannah in South Carolina.  And no, this picture is not of the savannah.  I didn't have my camera that day.

 
Sadly I live so far away from all of these places now that I am not sure I will ever see them again.  And I'm sure there are more places.  Heck, I've lived in 4 different states, visited 30 states and traveled to 5 different countries.  But not every state or place had something that forced me by its sheer natural power to just breathe and refresh.  So I'm interested to know, where's your "special" place?  Maybe someone out there has one that I could actually afford to go to.  I have several readers who live an hour away so I'm hoping you know something I don't know. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Night Visitor

I have a night visitor.  I've actually had her for a while, at least since we moved here, but she comes and goes.  I've mentioned her before; she comes in at night and makes strange, chewing sounds.  I think she is what makes the raptor bark for no reason at night as well.  We have these super-sensitive touch lamps in the living room and Hubby will turn them off before we go to bed at night.  Sometimes, in the morning, the lamps are back on. It's almost as if she is afraid of the dark.

I don't know who she is, but I think she is young.  I know she is terrified because whenever she comes to me I bolt straight up out of a dead sleep and feel this flash of white hot fear.  I feel like I am entrenched in seaweed and I kick the sheets off of me just in case.  Then I hear her just chewing, chewing, chewing, until I can finally block her from my mind. 

I don't dare ask her what she wants.  I can't open that door right now.  I just wish I knew why (or what) she was chewing.