It's that time of year again. The time of year when our church takes the children of the community and feeds them a dinner of totally white or brown carb-laden food and then sends them off to learn about JE-sus. Kids float through various stations being fed a type of crack music that stays in their heads for the rest of their lives, making plastic crafts that fuel the petroleum industry and pollute the environment, play slightly dangerous games that are supposed to represent the bible story of the day, and they even have a bible point for which they have a Pavlov dog-esque response. I despise VBS.
Our vacation bible school also always has a skit each day. 4 of the 5 days they are silly and make the kids laugh, but for some reason the 4th day always involves some "dramatic" encounter with Jesus and the kids are encouraged to accept JE-sus as their personal savior and Christ. I have nothing against someone being "saved" I just hate the breathless anticipation with which the adults wait for this special night and the glazed over eyes of the people in the room.
Last night was the 4th night and the directors of the VBS were beside themselves with excitement. Tonight was going to be even more exciting than last year when Jesus washed the children's feet. (I should probably stop here to state that the pastor traditionally plays Jesus in these scripts and it really creeps me out to see my husband playing him) I tried to keep an open mind and turn off the mental screaming the professional director side of me was doing at seeing the haphazardly thrown together staging area.) All of the lights were turned out and creepy music started playing. One of my 4 year-old girls rushed in fear to climb up on my lap when my husband, aka Jesus, appeared from behind a nailed up sheet. The VBS director started reading her script and when she got to the point where she said, "When Jesus died on that cross, he took away all your sins" the little girl whispered in my ear, "How?" My question exactly. I can not comprehend how dying on a cross meant taking away our sins (and please don't try to explain it to me, if my Master's in Theology husband can't convince me, no one can).
The VBS director is the woman in our church who controls everything. If something doesn't get her approval first, she can make my Hubby's life hell. She picks and picks and picks at everyone until they agree with her just because she has worn them down. Her husband is the one who accused me of lying about the gang leader living in our neighborhood and the other stuff that was happening. He also said I was spreading gossip. So you can imagine my glee when she was reading her script and came to the altar call part (when children are asked to invite JE-sus into their hearts). The room was dark except for the light from behind the sheet making my Hubby's shadow look like an angel. Everyone was silent and the kids' heads were bowed. I could feel the rapture emanating from the adults until my little girl, who had just asked "How?" farted...loudly.
Have you ever been in a roomful of silent children when someone cuts the cheese? The laughter that starts to swell takes over the room until everyone is in uncontrollable giggles. All of the kids were daring to laugh and ruining the director's big moment. I heard her voice starting to screech just a little as she tried to control the kids, she just kept repeating "No...no...NO!" Her big moment was ruined. I know I shouldn't have enjoyed it so much, but I was in heaven. Kharma is a bitch.