I think I have been a very good girl this year. I haven't hauled off and hit anyone who asked me when I was "saved." I have made sure to tell my husband every day that I love him and sometimes I tell him more than once a day. I have suoported my daughter through a move that was really hard on her and I tried very hard to be pleasant and nice to the new moms I have met. I have even started talking to someone who might be able to help me take care of me. So as you see, I deserve everything I am about to ask for.
First, I would like to be able to make Christmas cookies again with my friend Jenn and her three kids. For some reason, my Christmases have never been the same since we both grew up and she stopped spending them with us. Everytime I have to tell someone about a great Christmas memory, I always talk about the time we misread the recipe for candy cane cookies and instead made candy cane doorstops. She's kind of my Christmas spirit and without her I struggle. So if you could send her an extra hug and maybe let her know that I really miss her at Christmas, I'd appreciate it.
Second, could you please let me know if my brother has passed on to a better place? I don't care if it is heaven, or some great beyond or even to a rock concert in the sky. I just need to know that the spirit that has been haunting me and now my daughter is not my brother, because if it is, I'm going to kill him. That violently rattling screen door yesterday really scared me and E, plus the voices that woke me up last night...yea, I'm thinking I would like that to stop. Can you do that for me Santa?
Third, could you send me a big sign that the Raptor can wear that says "PLEASE DON'T PET THE DOG!!!" He's doing so much better. Kids can now come over to our house and play without being growled at or bitten; he walks past people quietly if they just ignore him; he even has learned he can go out in the backyard by himself and he will not be abandoned. I love him so much but I just need people to work with us instead of against us. Do you have a sign like that?
Lastly, my therapist says that I need to accept that it is time to worry about what makes me happy and not try to make others happy at my expense. Hmm...that's kind of tough at Christmas time since I am the person who makes the Christmas cheer for my family and some church people. I know that I am not going to solve this problem this Christmas, but if you could Santa, can you help me see the things again that make me happy? Help me focus on my husband and daughter. Help me see all the good things that I have in my life like a comfortable home, food on the table, not one but two jobs (one of which is actually in my field) and hopefully, after I see my doctor next week, my health will return. Yeah, if you could take away this malicious cough, I would REALLY like that.
So that's it, Santa, that's all I want for Christmas. I hope it isn't too much to ask for. I'll leave you some lovely non-doorstop cookie for you!