Wednesday, March 4, 2009

That Which Doesn't Kill You....

I suspect some of you have been wondering why I haven't followed up with what happened after Hubby broke the news to our church on Sunday. To tell you the truth, this has been an incredibly painful past few days and I just haven't had the energy to sit down and put it into words. I'm finding it hard to write this even now, so I will give you what I can.

Hubby announced at the end of the service that we would be relocated and that the church would be losing its full-time status. You could have heard a pin drop. People started crying and one woman even stood up, lost her balance and fell and broke her wrist. Then people swarmed, looking for answers I couldn't give. People at our church love my husband and now that they realize they are losing him, they feel that the church is going to die. My husband purposely set about to create a home for religious misfits, a place where the people who had no place felt comfortable. So you can imagine how much more keenly they felt a sense of loss.

But then things became surreal. The staff committee started telling people they had no idea this was coming. Even though they had met for over 90 minutes with Hubby's boss to discuss this very thing. Even though they had set goals in the fall that had to be reached by January or else. They just refused to tell the truth as a whole. Not only did they refuse to be honest, they have been trying to rally everyone into coming to a closed meeting with Hubby's boss to try to convince him to keep Hubby here. It's just making it worse. There's not a chance of us staying now, so they're just making it look like Hubby can't control his own congregation.

On top of that, the woman I work for announced this week that she would not be returning in the fall. The announcement is going out to parents on Sunday. So I get to go through this whole situation again when MY announcement is made, because parents are going to be FURIOUS at losing both teaching partners for a Montessori classroom (we keep kids in each classroom for 3 years). Of course, I'm going to take the heat because my announcement's going to come last.

And lastly, Hubby and I aren't working too well together in all of this. We're both just a tad out of step in our relationship for some reason and it's making all of this seem so much bigger. I just feel really unable to deal with everything after how rough this year has been. I want to cry and kick and scream but I just feel really dull inside.

But I keep telling myself, this too shall pass. People need to grieve. But all I want to do is tuck my head under the covers and not come out until June!


Anonymous said...

OK. Take a deep breath and reframe this. IF the congregation goes to Hubby's boss, they will probably look more desperate and loony than he looks out of control. None of us can control other people's actions. Their behavior is no reflection on him or you. It is solely their behavior. Perhaps they absolutely regret their own inaction and are trying to make this OK in their own way for themselves - not you. Your Hubby's boss knows the deal, he was in those meetings, too.

With school - there is nothing you can do if your husband is transfered. Well, there is, but staying behind to teach in a pre- school program may not be grounds for marital separation. Parents often suck. The ones who suck will continue to do so. The ones who recognize you're a pastor's wife and, as such, go to where your Hubby is assigned will treat you well. Again, no reflection on you. Don't own it - it's not your burden. The school will go on.

I hope you two can bride the gap and stand facing the same direction together rather than try to move forward when you are facing back to back.

I'm sending you peace. Go hug E, you'll feel better.

/ dw

Jeannie said...

Babe - don't take ANY of anyone's grief. None of this is your fault! You have had no input on any of the decision making for either venue. If anyone comes down on you, throw it back. Ask them if they think you asked to be moved. Ask them how they think YOU feel - you are a mere pawn - not even that because your husband is the pawn and you are the pawn's chattel. (Not that that is really the case but pour it on). Make them comfort you. do not be strong.

Charli-tan said...

I have nothing inspired to say except to hang in there and realiz the someday, this will all be a distant memory.

i agree with dw, too, that the congregation looks more loony than you guys and ALSO, a big fact to remember that I have learned in my career: When people lie, no one else may realize it, but the "liar" knows. No matter how much they try to convince others of the lie, in the end, they know the truth and that does matter, even when it seems like it doesn't.

Also, I feel your pain on the school thing, if you think parents get pissed when the school staff change, imagine how pissed they get when their child's beloved therapist leaves, which happens all the time. but you have to put that out of your mind. Children and thier families are resilient and they will get past this quicker than you think, and soon, you will be the momory of the awesome teacher that the new person just can't live up to!

It will all be ok. Do you know where you are going yet? Is it something to look forward to?

Bubblewench said...

I wish I could just give you a huge ass hug or a dozen. Here - VIRTUAL HUGS...

I am sorry to hear that after all this that they didn't back up their OWN decisions.

And I know how hard it is when you're out of sync w/husband. Oh boy have I learned that one! Keep your faith, it will get better. Probably after you cry a few dozen more times, have another fight or two. It won't be easy, but it will happen.

FreeDragon said...

That is exactly how I felt when I learned of AJ's death so go do what I did. (See Yield to the Lite)

Green said...

I don't pray, but I am thinking good thoughts for you to get through this.

Please keep in mind that other people's stress does NOT have to be yours. If parents at the school freak when you announce that you're leaving, don't suck that in and feel guilt. You've done all you can, you've done the best you can. Don't let them make you feel guilty.

You do NOT owe them explanations. You do NOT have to defend your decisions to anyone but yourself.