Sunday, March 29, 2009

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time LIMW was an actress. She wasn't a great actress, but she was decent. She was a good singer, though, and that got her by. She worked for a semi-professional theater company and there were a lot of good times, but there were a lot of bad as well. When she was acting, the theater company owner demanded she always maintain a persona that she was not, even in her everyday life. This persona was thin and outgoing and more than a little bit wild. Let's call her Sasha.

Sasha had a good run. She did some shows, drank too much, met some people, kissed every guy in a bar once and had a band that would play Purple Haze whenever she walked into the bar. She would drive off into the sunset without a second thought and even went to the Grand Canyon on the spur of the moment because she could. She was the life of the party. She was carefree and restless and not quite sure who she was because who she was...well, that wasn't really who she was.

Sasha met New Orleans. New Orleans swept her off her feet. He had a slow, Southern drawl and he was calm and patient, quiet and everything she wasn't. He followed her in her wild ways, but stood beside her, never in her way. She fell in love and Sasha started to fall away. She drank a little less, stopped looking to kiss strange men in bars, and realized the theater company's demand for thinness was slowly killing her. It took more than 1/2 a bagel and a can of Italian tomato soup a day to survive. She stopped being an actress and married New Orleans and grew up.

But as she grew up, she lost her way again. Life began to hit her hard. Bad things happened and instead of running at them full speed and jumping over them, she started to duck and cover and try to hide. She wasn't sure who she was or what she wanted anymore. She had a child and she loved that child, but sometimes it just made her feel even more lost. She couldn't just get in her car and seek out new places or search for new adventures. There were responsibilities. She had cares and worries to think about.

She tried to get back to her acting roots. She started a children's theater. It did well. She had fun. She traveled and made kids happy and was creative and writing plays and life seemed good. But she was the boss in all things and that was bad. She learned that she could not be the boss of other people because she was a control freak and could not stand the fact that other people did not take their work as seriously as she did. She missed her family when she was on the road. She hated bickering about money with clients who didn't value the arts . She wasn't the creative muse anymore, she was the financial boss. She was a business woman. She was miserable. She walked away and went back to being a mom, a wife and a teacher, lost again.

Now she is standing, once again on a precipice, looking at starting over, wondering who she is and who she wants to be. She can't stop being a wife and mom. She can't just get in the car and go on a wild adventure without consequences. But she can change. She can be whoever she choses this time. She just has to figure out who that is. And right now...well...I just don't know who I am. But I think I'm excited at finding out.

3 comments:

FreeDragon said...

Profound.

tamjenic said...

It's nice that you have a chance to reinvent yourself.

I am stuck (not unhappily) on the hamster wheel of life.

Bubblewench said...

I'm crying.. what a beautiful post. I totally know that story. I lived it.

And yes, I am still crying. Harder now.