Friday, February 13, 2009

Why Did I Delete My Last Post?

Because above all else I am a pastor's wife. I do not get to live by the same sets of rules that every other wife gets to live by, even anonymously. I know most of you think I should. You think that I should just say screw it and be free, but that could be very detrimental to my Hubby's career and Hubby is the bigger breadwinner in our family. That is how we agreed it would be when we got married. That is how we both wanted it. I want to be home after school with my daughter. I want to work part-time. I am very careful of what I put on this blog because I don't want anything to come back to Hubby that could cause us to be banished to a horrible assignment that has a parsonage with a giant hole in the floor or a parishioner who puts fleas in the pulpit out of spite when he doesn't agree with the pastor's views (it HAS happened). So while I may post things that go not only outside the realm of our denomination but AGAINST it, I will always delete them a few days later so as to protect Hubby. And if you think I am being overly cautious, tell that to the commenter who gently told me how easy it was to figure out who I was. Hubby is pretty popular in our community!

Also, I deleted that post because it makes me feel slightly crazy to admit to it. It happened. I didn't lie or exaggerate a single thing about it, but I still know how it sounds, so I am not sure how I feel about it just hanging out there in cyberspace. My family has a history of things like that happening. It goes all the way back to my great-grandma, so I grew up with thinking it was normal because I was surrounded by people with certain gifts and talents. But now that I am involved in the Christian community, I sometimes feel a little lost and leperish and those self-esteem issues kick in hard when I write about dead bodies and such. I mean, you have to admit, knowing my brother and grandmother were bi-polar makes you wonder about me when you read such stuff, doesn't it? I wonder about myself sometimes.

So anyway, Electricdaisy, I hope that answered your question. And Jeannie, I hope you're feeling better. And dw, thanks for hanging in there with me. And to everyone else who comments, I am checking out your blogs, I'm just not a big commenter. I am a computer addict and have to be careful how many people I follow or I would never make it to work or read a real novel.


Anonymous said...

Wow. So you ARE made of win, aren't you?

I don't remember how I got here, but your blog is bookmarked and I check up on you every day. I was afraid something bad had happened and that was why the post was deleted. Glad to know you are just cautious and you're OK. I'm sticking around!

/ dw

Bubblewench said...

Now I get why you took it down. Good move.