Tuesday, February 17, 2009

What's Going On?

I've been avoiding my blog.

It's funny, for the past several days I have wanted to write about the story of my aunt and her sudden blindness that was supposedly caused by a curse. This happened over 80 years ago and the story has passed down through my family for years. I will write about it, hopefully tomorrow. But like I said, I've been avoiding my blog.

I've been absent because I am angry. I'm angry at my church for not trying harder to keep us when they found out they were losing us. I'm angry that we're going to be forced to move in the worst economy in our lifetimes and we don't have the money to move. I'm angry that I'm going to have to look for a job AGAIN! I'm angry at my body. I had a minor medical scare and googled too much before seeing the doctor today. I diagnosed myself correctly but the problem is not as serious as the computer makes it appear. But I'm tired of my body failing me even when I have been trying so hard to take care of it. I'm angry at the SC who have me constantly looking over my shoulder. I was angry at Hubby for failing to take my feelings over their reappearance as seriously as I needed him to. (I forgave him, at least.) So I didn't want to spew all that anger all over people when really, there was no reason for me to feel this way. I choose to be angry too often and have to remind myself to let it go. And I drag myself down when I write about it.

But today as I am looking over other people's blogs, it seems like everyone is angry. Wide Lawns got the finger; Dooce got who knows how many angry emails because she changed her layout; obviously my friend, Andie, took a hit (actually she's taking several) from religious people; Bubblewench wasn't angry per se, but...;FreeDragon is understandably angry; but everywhere I go, people are angry. I have to ask myself, what's going? Is it the economy? Is it some cosmic schism? Am I sending out angry waves? So many of us seem to be getting hit with some harsh realities right now.

So anywho, I'll blame my anger on American Idol. I always get angry when it comes around because inevitably someone asks me why I never auditioned for American Idol and I always have to answer, "Because I'm TOO FRIGGING OLD!! I've been too frigging old since it started and I'm only 38!"

I'm spreading peace to you all. Goosh! Check back tomorrow. I promise you, my aunt's story is a great story and it will only stay online for a few days. Yes, it's one of those! Namaste.


Anonymous said...

I hear you today, LIMW. I had to deal with absolute ridiculous adult behavior and self entitlement. I don't get it. I'm too flippin' tired to be angry, just feel beaten. My husband likes to tell me that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I say bullshit. It's all degrees of sinking and swimming.

You, however, do have many things to be angry about. And they are all out of your control. Including your body. I'm 39 and I feel like my "fresh by" date is way passed.

cyber hugs.

/ dw

Jeannie said...

It could be the economy...
When things are going relatively well, we like to think we're in control but lately, it seems no one has a clue. So there's no captain for the ship and we're headed for an iceburg. And then some petty person says our life jacket is the wrong colour. Huh?

Anonymous said...

DW and Jeannie have great points.. I am going to be 40 in a few months and I feel like I'm on a downward slide in many ways. I also think that the economy and uncertainty are playing a LOT into peoples fears and frustrations...

As for me, I am blaming my anger on the cancelation of "Dirty, Sexy Money"... nothing been the same since then!

But I think you have an unbelieveable amount of stressors in you life right now. The SC alone would have put me over the edge (oh hell, who are we kidding, living as a pastors wife would have put me ove rhte edge, but I am not blessed with your even disposition!)but now having to uproot and move? AGAIN? UGH! And I do feel your church has given you guys a raw deal. Hubby sounds ilke a gem, I am not Christian, but if he were here, I would attend his service. So I don't get how those who are Christian could let you guys go?

hugs to you. And one big GOOSH!

And cheesy potatos.


Bubblewench said...

I hear ya!! You know what I went through... You are under a lot of stress right now and have every right to be angry.