Sunday, February 8, 2009

For which there is no title

I had so much I wanted to post tonight. I wanted to tell you all about my rotten day where the Universe just made my life into a sitcom for its enjoyment. I wanted to tell you about Hubby's boss showing up at church today because an old evil lifer had called and complained about Hubby ministering to Dionne. Apparently the Bible has been misinterpreted and the only person we are supposed to visit in jail is Jesus, not anyone else. Hubby's boss was there to support him, not malign him, thank goodness.

I wanted to tell you about the Stalker Congregants showing up today and trying to get into a staring match with me. About how they did a slow drive by while I was outside the church and it took everything I had not to flip them off. I will not be cowed....I will not be cowed.... I WILL NOT BE COWED!!! If I could move things with my mind I would have run their car into a tree!

And I wanted to tell you about how I was having lunch at a restaurant with my parents and one of my kindergarten students was sitting at the table behind me with his mom when my dad very loudly said, "So, your mom says its definite you're moving!" I didn't want my school parent to hear that! I'm not ready to open up that can of worms at school yet.

I even wanted to talk about Drunken Neighbor's kids who have been driving a go-cart in small circles around their backyard until all hours of the night and the sound is TRULY driving me crazy and I'm about to go out and shoot out the tires or grab them by their scrawny little necks and tell them to go the hell to bed already! I had so much to say!

But I'm not going to talk about any of that. Because E and Hubby just trumped everything else that happened today with one small conversation. E picked up a local magazine that shows rescue dogs (we have been considering getting a dog after we find out what the heck is going on in our life). Well, E was reading the little blurbs about each dog when she had a question.

E: Daddy, what is N-E-U-T-E-R-E-D?

D: That's neutered, honey. It's when they cut a boy dog's balls off. (To which I just about CHOKED, let me tell you)

E: Daddy, what are balls?

D: They're testicles honey.

E: But why would they do that daddy?

D: So they can't make puppies with girl dogs.

E: Oh.

Oh indeed. Of all the things I thought I might hear my husband say to my SEVEN YEAR OLD daughter, not once in my life did I think it would be "It's when they cut a boy dog's balls off." Hubby may be a lot of things, but tactful he ain't.


Anonymous said...

Oh my, I feel your pain. Some days are a sitcom, aren't they? Go to bed, wake up tomorrow, pray that your show has been dropped and no one wants to see the reruns.

/ dw

Jeannie said...

Some days. Might be best letting hubby tell the kids about the birds and the bees - sounds like it will be pretty matter of fact.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Patrick told Oakley that when he wakes up in the mornig with his penis hard, it means he has a boner. We now cannot convince Oakley that there is no bone in his dick.
Oh and Oakley thinks that the real name for testicles is not "testicle", but "hang downs". Yes, in Oakleys world, "balls" is a slang term for "hang downs".
Alert E.

Anonymous said...

Hee. Dog balls. My six year old would definitely work that one into a conversation at school. With her (Catholic) school teacher.

Anonymous said...


At least when you'r hubby says "Honesty is the best policy" he's not using it like some adults and meaning "Sometimes"

Ahhh Blunt people, gotta love em.

what's even more funny is my verification word is Ball-o-diddy

Bubblewench said...

sometimes it's just the little things that make all that crap just roll off so you can laugh..