Thursday, February 26, 2009


I am such a control freak. I am. Hubby used to have a lot of credit cards and he never used them, but he kept them in his wallet, so one day while he was out running, I snuck into his wallet and cut all but two up. He used to manage our household finances, but he believed in sending a check for a bill the day or two before it was due and they never got there on time. It drove me crazy, so he hasn't seen our check book in years. I'm such a control freak that I can subtly control people and bend them to my will. I use my teacher voice in a non-threatening manner and they always yield and never know they're yielding. I'm not (really) proud of this, it's just the way I am.

So you can imagine how I am feeling right about this moment. The only thing I know for sure is that in a few months time I will not be living here, in this house. I may be in this area, I may not. I may still be working at this school, but most likely not. I have absolutely no control over where I am being sent. Hubby is in the running for several positions, not just the one from my previous post, so now we just have to wait and see. AND I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!

I've been suffering from this miserable head cold going around. When you are a teacher, your first year at a new school you catch everything until your body becomes resistant to the new germs, so I've been sick a lot. But for the past three days I've also been chilled to the bone, which is weird, because I live in the South, where we have been hovering over 50 degrees, well into summer for my Midwest bones. But I've been so cold that I had on 3 layers of clothes, a blanket, turned up my thermostat AND drank hot chocolate just trying to get warm. I thought it was part of being sick, but when I googled the symptom (you would have thought I had learned from my last internet scare NOT to do that) it came up as a symptom of...(dun dun dun) STRESS. And I know, a lot of you are saying I should have my thyroid checked. Trust me, it has been checked so much it smiles and says "I'm ready for my close-up!" But amazingly enough, once I acknowledged that yes, I am feeling quite stressed out, I wasn't so cold. So I am going to release a little more of my stress and write an open letter to my current church (except for the small minority who work their butts off to keep the church afloat.) Pastor's Wife 2, you feel free to add your .02 in as well. Heck, this might be your chance to guest post.

Dear Current Church,

I am so frigging pissed off right now I could spit. How dare you sit there and play with my life and my child's life! We were GOOD to you. We gave our life and soul to you. We plugged the dam and stopped the leaks and you couldn't even make your own damned COFFEE!! I give up my husband every Sunday of my life and you can't even be bothered to have a meeting to save the church from losing its full-time status. You just let us go, without a thought.

Well, I wonder what you're going to do that first Sunday we are not there when no one unlocks the doors, turns on the lights, turns on the A/C, teaches Sunday School, watches the nursery, prints the bulletins, folds the bulletins, makes the coffee, changes the paraments, checks the answering machine, goes through the mail, responds to the emails, puts out the garbage, visits the shut-ins and trims the bushes.

What are you going to do?

And who are you going to blame?

It won't be us. We'll be gone. It won't be the small select few who kept the church going, because I suspect they will be gone on the same day. We asked you to step up. We asked you to come forward. We asked you to meet us halfway. But there you sat, in that hard wooden pew, refusing to do anything more than attend the service on Sunday. And now, that's all you'll be able to do.


Not your lackey anymore!


Anonymous said...

Wow. I hope that felt good to write because it was satisfying to read.

feel better

/ dw

also a pastor's wife said...

i feel like i could write one of those... my husband is a youth pastor and some days it drives me bonkers. he has been trying to decide whether to stay or leave and go back to school for something completely different. now the church is on a "spending freeze". you know, I sometimes think, "oh, if they could just lay him off, then he could get EI, the decision would be made for him, and we could move on with our lives... sigh.

Jeannie said...

Obviously, this church was somewhat impervious to your manipulations. It sounds more like you caved in to theirs and this irks you.

It seems this church was simply not a good match for your combined talents. You gave it all you had but it simply wasn't what could stir the congregation to action if there is, in fact, anything that might have done so.

So, take a deep breath, be happy for the opportunity to move on and brush the dust off your hands. Don't look back.

Just because you didn't "succeed" doesn't mean you failed. Because ultimately, the failure is theirs as you are there merely to support and guide - it was up to them to do their work.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Jeannie!!

I hope that this new opportunity will exactly what you're looking for!!


Anonymous said...

Assassin confirms, that yes, at least one of the productive few will leave. (For those of you keeping up, I'm the one church member who reads the blog--but I'm more LIMW's friend than anything else right now). Anyway, having a passive aggressive MIL, you know my assumptions often swing that way. What if the majority of the church actually doesn't want anyone to unlock the doors, turn on the lights, turn on the heat, etc. What if this is how they have decided to, by not deciding, but an old building out of it's misery. So many people claim that they LOVE the church, would hate to have it gone, have gone there for generations, blah blah blah, but those are just empty words--I know, I'm there. Where are the acts of service? A lot of people act by not acting--either intentionally or not, and I have a feeling that's what's going on. So lets just hope you stay local and I don't have to church shop.