Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Woman Scorned

Many people find it hard to believe, but pastors weren't born pastors. Most of them lived lives prior to receiving their call into ministry and more than a few of them lived their lives "in sin" before becoming pastors. Hubby was no exception.

We met in 1994 by chance. We started dating on a whim and agreed we were just going to have a brief fling and then go our separate ways. Hubby was in my town for a few short weeks and was then being sent back to whence he came. I was never supposed to see him again because his home was clear across the country and we agreed neither of us wanted a long-distance romance. We had a torrid, passionate, exciting affair and then he got in his car and drove away. It was an amazing time in in my life, the kind that books are written about and people relive for years to come; but it was also the most painful time in my life. As he drove away I was heartbroken and empty, unable to cry because I had done this to myself. I had agreed to this short time of bliss, knowing it would end with me alone. But I had thought it better to love and lose...

For you see, Hubby was engaged. I didn't know that the first night I met him or I would have never allowed the relationship to come about. I'm not that kind of person. I take vows and oaths very seriously. But Hubby was young and out of his element and, well, he had been engaged for three years, so he was more than a little frustrated (and you can take that any way you want). Three years is a long time to be engaged, but she just kept putting off the date for one reason or another. She wanted to finish college. She wanted to get her Masters. She wanted to move and get her life established. She wanted him to be willing to follow her career. She wanted him to give up a lot to wait on her. He would have done all of that, if she would have just gone ahead and married him. She was the daughter of a pastor and had very strict rules and expectations for their life together.

And then he met me. The me of then was much different from the me of now. I was bold, outgoing, wild, artistic, singing in a band and acting with a theater company, and everything she was not. I was taking my little corner of the world by storm and I swept him into my circle in the dead of winter. We fell in love and he knew he had to make a decision about her.

So he left me to go back to his home and we discovered we couldn't just let things be. We called each other at a time when calls were not free. We had phone bills in the 100's of dollars. We travelled to see each other several times a month. We would not be kept apart. She hadn't seen him in months and finally made arrangements to visit him and he broke the news to her that their relationship was over. To say she did not take it well was an understatement. She threw a glass, they both cried, she made him feel like a cad. And maybe he was, but we all have bad break-ups. We all make mistakes in relationships. We are all young once.

Anywho, for years Hubby felt bad about the way he broke things off with her. He felt that he should have told her about me right from the very beginning (I think he should have told ME about her right from the very beginning, but...bygones). Apparently sometime in the past she contacted him and told him she deserved or needed an apology. So 2 years ago, as part of a Lenten observance of writing letters to people in his past, he wrote her a letter of apology.

Fast forward to this week. This week she CALLS the church and leaves a whacked out message for him asking him to call regarding some correspondence, yadda yadda yadda. She also stalked him via his Facebook page and emailed him stating she needed to talk to him about the letter he sent. Let me say again, he sent the letter TWO YEARS AGO. Now, I trust my husband implicitly. He may break a vow to me, but he would never break a vow with God and that's what our marriage vows are. So I am not jealous, per se, of this woman contacting him. What I don't like is the way she went about it. I told him she needs to call the house if she needs to talk to him. I won't pick it up, she never has to talk to me and he can take the call upstairs in private, but she MAY NOT sneak around and try to talk to him.

I do this because something about the tone of her message makes me think she is out to drag him around and make him suffer. I know Hubby. It's easy to make him suffer. I also know women. This one is out to do some damage. And I'll tell you, I may be a mild mannered pastor's wife by day, but you mess with my family and you better come into the ring wearing a WWF belt because it is going DOWN!


Anonymous said...

Your husband needs to tell her he's a married man with a child(ren?) and what she is doing is not appropriate or acceptable.
Frankly, if I were him, I would flat out ignore her altogether. She will get the message. If he keeps responding to her, she will never let him go.

Anonymous said...

This woman has issues. He broke up with her 15 years ago. He has not been part of her life in all that time.

What breakup is a good breakup? She was the one leading him around by the nose.

I agree with anon that he should totally ignore her. And I'd lock up the rabbits if I were you.

Living in Muddy Waters said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Living in Muddy Waters said...

Tamjenic, you're so crazy! I'm sitting here going "I never mentioned rabbits. Who said anything about rabbits?" I get it. Glen Close. Okay.

Anonymous said...

OMG(oodness)! Just when I thought I couldn't love this blog any more, I read this entry. It Is going down!

You are too funny.

And she sounds whacked. I wouldn't give her your home # at all.

/ dw

Bubblewench said...

I think you're right that you need to be on guard, but I have to agree w/other comments here too, ingore her.. she's whacked.. obviously held a grudge/flame for him and it's not over.

He'll never get rid of her ever if he responds to her demands.

cbrks12 said...

Wow I am so glad I found your blog. You rock! WWF Belt...hee!

Anonymous said...

Home #? Have you lost your mind??? The Church is a public place, but don't give Crazy McCrazerton your home number!!! I agree that what she is doing is unacceptable, but she shouldn't be calling him AT ALL given the some FIFTEEN YEARS that have passed! It's been 15 years since Bart and I have no ill will or desire to harm him or, well ANYTHING towards him and YOU KNOW how fucked up crazy I was over him.

My point? If I, being crazy and obsessed, am over Bart 15 years later, WTF is wrong with this woman that she is still stalking your hubby???? She couldn't have been more obsessed than me, NO ONE was more obsessed with me... people STILL flick lights on and off when I come around!

So. She must be certifiable. I say strap on the belt now and take the bee-yatch down!

I got your back!!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe she is doing some work of her own (clearing up past issues) and that is why she is contacting him. In any event, he is a pastor. It is common for people to seek him out at work - the church. Do not invite her craziness into your home through the phone. It will be stressful and a source of anguish. And she can call the church any time of the day or night, you don't want her calling your home at 3:00 AM.

/ dw

Diana said...

Well, I wanted to react, but it looks like I'm a bit late to the party! I agree with what everyone else seems to be saying: namely, do NOT give this woman your home number.

Also, if hubby determines that she's actually trying to do anything other than the the same thing he did two years earlier, he needs to cut it off immediately, no ifs, ands, or buts. A simple "I'm sorry, this is not appropriate," followed by the click of the phone! You do NOT want to try to be "nice" to crazy people.