Thursday, January 8, 2009

An Update

I wasn't going to put any more energy into my situation with my boss this week, but an anonymous commenter struck a nerve with me and I wanted to clarify a few things. The commenter suggested I try to make myself available to my boss, befriend her, and treat her as I would my kids, repeat what she says and make sure she feels heard. I totally agree with this. But... I have tried all of these things. My boss was singing in a choir concert and I spent $20 to go to her concert to hear her sing. She said she had always wanted to Christmas carol, so I arranged a group caroling session. Every time she criticizes me, I repeat what she says to her and I try to let her know I have listened. But what happens is that she tells me to do something and I do it, but then she gets mad at me and criticizes me in front of the kids for doing what she asked.

Case in point- we have a boy who is very high need and immature. He pushes all of her buttons and she becomes very irritated very fast with him. She was giving him a lesson and he refused to work by himself. If she left him to continue working, he stopped and started distracting other children. She came over to me and said, "I am getting irritated with (child). Will you please sit with him and get him to finish his work?" He had one math problem that he had to do. Remember, this is with Montessori materials, so one problem can be pretty intensive. So I sat down and started doing just that. About 5 minutes later she came over and told me she didn't want me just sitting with him. He was taking up too much of my time and was going to start to rely on me working with him. I stood up and told her that I thought she had asked me to sit down and get him to finish his work. She said that is NOT what she said. But she did, it's kind of hard to misunderstand 8 or 9 words....

So, in the end, there is only one answer for me in this situation. And I hate it and I run from it every time. But I just have to rise. I always have to rise like frigging cream. I realized in reading my own stuff that I am getting sucked into her negative energy and being turned into something I am not. She frowns and tsks and clucks and belittles the kids. That's not me. She thinks it is completely inappropriate that I provide opportunities for the kids to laugh AT me during lessons, it encourages chaos. So what? If she puts me in charge of circle, then I will run the circle in the way I am comfortable. I will continue to do silly accents and tickle and hug my kids. I will not try to overrun her authority, after all, she is the lead teacher and so be it. But if I don't get hired back, I will be thankful, I think.

I just hate that it takes me so long in my life to accept that in each difficult encounter I have, I must rise above the situation and be the bigger person. Some small part of me always wants to stick my tongue out and just give a great big "Nya-nya-nya," at these things. But that being said, I hope to be able to take a break from writing about my situation with my boss and go back to writing about other, more interesting and fun things. Like the day I kicked Hubby out of the house just for eating shrimp scampi.

9 comments:

cbrks12 said...

Hang in there and continue to do it your way!

Anonymous said...

You know, you're a better teacher than her just for your passion alone. Screw her. The problem isn't you, it's HER. You, my dear, are awesome. The absolute worst thing that can happen is you get fired. Nobody dies, nobody loses an eye, the earth does not stop spinning. I wish I could tell her ass off for you.

/ dw

Bubblewench said...

I think you are doing fine, she's a nut job. Don't forget that! I'd like to kick her in the shins.

Shrimp scampi? Why? Very curious now...

Anonymous said...

I want to hear the scampi story, haha. Sounds like me and my boyfriend...we got into a spat yesterday because he likes tofu and I don't.

Anonymous said...

I was the one who struck that nerve. I am sorry, didn't mean to offend you. It's just that I know people like your boss...and couldn't help but want to see you not get so anxious every day because of her. But as you've explained, she is so contrary it's impossible to please her. And knowing you're a teacher and therefore quite possibly a member of a union, it would be next to impossible to get fired for sticking to your guns. So, why not face her and say "look, let me do my job that you hired me to do." Which might sound too simplistic but I do know that bullies back off from people who express strong self-confidence.
Again, I'm on your side, and apologies for striking nerves.

Living in Muddy Waters said...

Anonymous, in noway did you offend me. I just know that there is a lot of background newcomers to my blog aren't privy to and I have to update some info. I was glad you wrote what you did. It actually came at a time when I needed it. I really do have to rise above bad situations whether I want to or not.

ty-ping said...

Well like I heard the other day, and I think this might help you.

"You know why God gave man shoulders?

To let things roll off of them"

ty-ping said...

Oh, and to elaborate mostly I'm saying
"Deep breaths, don't worry, you'll get through it. And just imagine the day when you leave for a much better job and suddenly she realizes she's boned.

Green said...

I worked with someone like this - another legal secretary who sat next to me. She was batshit crazy just like your boss is. Want to know how I finally started dealing with her? I just did what she said each time. If she asked me to organize a file, and I started and then she said she didn't want me touching the file, I'd just say "Okay, here" and hand it to her. Even if the second thing she said contradicted the first thing, I just went with it.

Everyone around us knew she was totally nuts. Of course it's harder for you because this is your boss, and the people around you are children...