Sunday, November 16, 2008

Momma Bear, Momma Bear, What Do You See?

I am not going to make it though motherhood.

I'm not.

One day I am going to grab my next door neighbor's girl-child by the scruff of the neck, shake her until the chicken nuggets come out her nose and scream in her face, "WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?" She is tormenting my daughter and I am about to come out of my corner with both gloves on. Sit down in your comfy chair, this story takes a minute to unfold.

We moved here almost five years ago. At the time, Evil Genius Neighbor was going through a bitter divorce from his bipolar wife. He had a 2 1/2 year old daughter as well who was a brute and we helped care for her since the mother did not. She spent many days at my house and I spent a lot of time working with her and socializing her and I did a damn good job, I might add. This has been the case over the years.

About two 1/2 years ago One Upper neighbor and her husband moved in with their daughters and usurped my role, which is fine. Although, there does appear to be a little bit of inappropriate feelings being bandied about between OU and EG, so much so that EG's daughter has made mention of the relationship. So now we have 4 girls that range from 4 to 7 that all play together. Only EG's daughter is in therapy to deal with all that is going on in her life. And she needs it, because over the course of the past 6 months she has become, for lack of a better word, a tiny 7 year old bitch.

She has targeted E as her scratching post. She hates her and goes out of her way to make her miserable and come between her and her other friends. They were in the same class this year until Mean Girl was demoted back to 1st grade. But while they were in class, she would tell all the kids that E played with herself, which didn't bother E as bad as the other insult, that (gasp) E watched Elmo! She constantly screams and yells and if she doesn't get her way she pouts and resorts to the ever popular "Well, I'm never going to be your friend again!"

E steadfastly marched through all of this like a trooper. She knows that MG has a hard life and she just tried to let it roll off her back. But I will say, E was beside herself with giddiness when she found out MG was no longer in class with her.

Well, MG is only in our neighborhood every other week as a result of the custody agreement. MG arrived Friday and E and MG were playing alone outside yesterday and everything was going smoothly. EG left to run an errand and OU brought her girls out and all hell broke loose. Suddenly it was like watching a coyote try to cut the weak, sick animal from the herd. MG's face just changed and looked hateful, she started screaming at my daughter and the 4 girls split into two groups. I was outside watching the whole thing. I promise you, my daughter did not do a thing. I would tell you if she did, I swear. Trust me, I know my daughter is not perfect. But I tried to stay out of it. I believe that unless they all melted into tears, they needed to try to work it out. They seemed content to play in two pairs of two, so I let it be until EG returned.

When he returned, he heard his daughter yell at mine. He knows that his daughter is a bitch and says he is worried about it, but when I asked him to deal with it, because by this time it was reaching a fevered pitch, he half-heartedly called his daughter over, told her to apologize and said "Go play." You can imagine the eye rolling, stomping off scene that followed and didn't resolve anything. Then he got on the phone. Well, the screaming started again at E and this time I had to step in. I can't allow my daughter to be a doormat. I sat the girls down and had all 4 talk and had them decide what to do. While I mediated and made sure everyone had a chance to talk, I did not interfere or put one tiny iota of my opinion into the discuss. They all talked things out and decided they wanted to stay in their pairs, but E and her friend wanted to come into our house and play dress-up (which I had promised and cleared with the other parents earlier) and the other two wanted to go into EG's house. Fine.

We went over to EG who by this time had been joined by OU and told him the plans and he refused to let his daughter and his friend in his house. Not my problem. He and OU thought the girls should all have to play together. They didn't say this, but they have in the past. Their answer is to yell at the girls to make it happen. OU takes pride in saying that she has made MG cry on several occasions for her bad attitude. I stuck to my guns, made myself very unpopular amongst the in-crowd and took my two assigned children inside.

As far as I am concerned, I asked the dad to step up and he didn't. Yelling to solve this problem is not going to solve this problem. I tried to set a good example and allow the girls to talk. Plus, I don't think they always have to play together all the time. But you should have still seen the adults faces. Now I am in the dog house.

But you know what? I refuse to be THAT parent. I refuse to be the one who completely ignores the situation until yelling is the only answer. Or who thinks it is okay to that this Mean Girl attitude proliferates throughout our schools.

I am not going to make it through motherhood.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be nice to leave all the grade school petty-ness behind when one grows up?

Nothing like having to live it all over again through your kids.

You are never going to make everyone happy; just take solace in knowing that you're right and they're idiots ;-)

~tamjenic