Thursday, October 16, 2008

Two Kind's of Pastor's Wives

As far as I can tell, and I think I've been doing this long enough to speak with some authority, there are two kinds of pastor's wives. There's the kind like me-dedicated to our husbands but slightly lost in the shuffle and desperately trying to balance a family life with our own dreams. I meet these women from time to time. Not often, but when I do, we commiserate with each other and offer sympathy, uh, I mean, SUPPORT!

Then there's the other kind. I call these women the Insipid Spouses. When I was 5 months pregnant Hubby and I went to dinner with a newlywed couple. The husband had just started seminary and the wife was a botanist. Both were very religious and seemed to have a deep commitment and love for each other. The Hubbies were friends and had beer, so they instantly started doing that male bonding thing, shutting us women out and leaving us to converse with each other. To this day I have never forgiven Hubby for this dreadful experience. The woman was only able to talk about two things: plants and her husband's ministry, which he hadn't started yet because he was still in school.

Okay, I am a kind of jack-of-all-trades, pillar of worthless knowledge kind of person, I can talk about plants for a little bit and not sound bored. So we did. We talked about what she did in her lab, the famous scientist she worked with and what discoveries they had made. Then we talked about her husband's desire to start a prison ministry. She would have stayed on that subject the entire time if I had let her. But Hubby had arranged this dinner in hopes of finding a clergy couple that we could hang out with and talk about NON-church things. I tried everything to engage this woman in secular conversations but she wouldn't bite. Finally I asked her what other interests she had besides her husband and plants. I swear this is her response- "Nothing." Um, WHAT???!!! I tried again and said, "Surely you must have something besides your work that is yours?" To which she said, "No, all I need in my life is my job and my husband. I just want to support him in everyway I can." I realized it was useless and stopped there.

But 5 years later this couple is divorced, the husband has been stripped of his ministry and, if the rumor mill is to be believed (they're pastors, so you kind of believe it) is very happy with his boyfriend.


Bubblewench said...

Welcome back... nice to see you.. boring stepford wife she was huh?

Hmm.. Tiki party.. I'll have to see what I can do. maybe I'll throw you your own private Tiki.. hee..hee..

Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting me know about your move to Blogger! I'm looking forward to continuing to follow your adventures...


Anonymous said...


Nice page design


Anonymous said...

Acctually it's scary and sad how many women in Japan are like this.
The saddest case I know is this woman whom had an excallent mastery of english having gone to an american university and her hobby was sleeping.
Becuase we were in class I had to explain sleeping was not a hobby, (As low students having limited vocabulary occasionally say sleeping is a hobby since it's something they like to do but don't very often) she then told me that she knew, normally sleeping wasn't a hobby, but for her, it was.
She woke up at 7:00am made her husband breakfast, dropped him off at work and went back to bed. slept until 12ish, would make lunch, clean the house and then, because she didn't even like TV or Movies or Reading, would either go shopping (but for groceies since she didn't like shopping) or go back to bed. Would wake up again at 7pm make dinner for her husband whom would be home by 9 and then they would go to bed.
Her only outside time was once a week when she went to my English Class or once a year when she went visiting her friends in America for two weeks.
It's scary how many people exist with just one or two things on their mind. All she wanted was to have a baby thinking THAT would make her life compleat and meaningful, having no other interests but that.